You are about to share some of the most vulnerable aspects of your relationship with someone other than your partner, which can be intimidating! But couples therapy can also be an amazing opportunity for personal and relationship growth.

Here are 4 ways that you can prepare and get the most out of your time in therapy.

1.Have an idea of what you want to get out of therapy.

What brings you to therapy?” is likely one of the first questions that your therapist will ask you. It can be hard to answer on the spot when there are probably many different yet interconnected reasons as to why you and your partner decided to seek therapy now.

It is important both for you and the therapist to work towards a common goal and that start with an understanding of what you are working towards. And although this common goal will arise naturally through therapy, it’s helpful to start with a mutual understanding.

Honestly, if you feel like you and your therapist are working towards different goals, it is impossible to feel like they are helping you.

So, get together with your partner before going into therapy and discuss what you want to work on together and individually. Which goals are yours? Which goals are your partner’s? And which goals are both of yours?

2. Agree to be open and receptive to uncomfortable conversations.

Before starting therapy with your partner, it could be helpful to come to an agreement on honesty and receptiveness within sessions. If either partner is afraid to be fully honest, then therapy will feel like it is stalling very quickly. Partners need to feel free to be honest without fear of retaliation outside of therapy.

Come to an understanding with your partner that you can both speak freely in therapy, whatever that might look like for your relationship.

3. Co-regulate before going in.

Going into a new and unfamiliar experience is scary! And if you’ve been to therapy before, you know it is a vulnerable place.

The nice part about couples therapy, is that you are not going in alone. You have your person right next to you! So, use that support and comfort to your advantage.

Before going into the session, take a few minutes to breathe together and prepare yourselves for vulnerability. Remember that you are in this together. It’s you and your partner against the problem, not you and your partner against each other!

4. Process together after the session.

Because couples therapy can bring up complicated and painful emotions in your relationship, you may want to co-regulate after sessions. You can come prepared with a song to listen to on the drive home or a breathing exercise to do together afterwards.

It might also be helpful to process your experience after session. Rather than complaining about or criticizing things that happened in therapy, focus on the aspects of the session that made you feel like you moved towards growth together with your partner.

Ideally, therapy has instilled some hope in you and your partner that you can carry with you throughout the week. Those things are worth mentioning and keeping in mind!

Couples therapy is the first step towards deepening and healing your relationship. I wish you all the best in your journey!