One of my favorite types of work to do with clients is inner child work because of the tenderness and gentleness associated with it. I say that because when we go back and address old wounds and traumas, the emotions that come up are often tender and need to be approached with gentleness.

It might be scary to even consider sharing your inner child with a therapist, but the work that can be done in therapy can be extremely healing. When old wounds are given space, attention, and handled with care, they suddenly don’t feel as heavy or intrusive.

Background on inner child work.

When we are children, we are at our most vulnerable stage. We fully rely on our parents for survival, emotional support, and safety. Being in such a vulnerable position, we are more delicate and more likely to be hurt. But when we are hurt, we do not necessarily feel safe to share this with our caretakers. In fact, many times it feels safer to keep this pain to ourselves so that we can continue to be seen as lovable. So, we slowly but surely begin to accumulate unprocessed pain and trauma.

We might deal with it by trying to suppress it, but inevitably it bubbles up and can affect us in our lives as adults. Not only that, unhealed and unprocessed wounds tend to get bigger and bigger, even in our adulthood. So, even though this work is called "inner child work," some of the pain and trauma continue to be picked up into adulthood.

How do unprocessed and unhealed wounds show up?

Unhealed and unprocessed wounds show up very differently for everyone. They might show up as reactivity within close and intimate relationships, inhibited behavior during social situations, etc. What is important to note about the way it shows up though, is that we might feel unable to explain our behavior or our emotional reaction during a situation.

Big emotional reactions can make us feel out of control and confused, but also deeply vulnerable and helpless. When an old wound is triggered, all of a sudden it’s not just the pain from our current situation that we experience; it’s pain from years of accumulated pain and trauma.

As I am writing this, I wonder if the reason you clicked on this blog post is because you understand and have experienced what I explained.

Where does inner child work come in?

Usually, clients come to me looking for inner child work when they have an awareness that what they are experiencing stems from old emotional wounds and traumas. From this awareness, we can begin to move closer into empathy and understanding for these emotional reactions or behaviors.

Something that I have learned in this work is that suppression only makes the pain bigger. And as contrary as it might sound, giving old wounds plenty of space and time is the only thing that makes them feel more bearable. The cherry on top is being able to have someone who is a witness not only to our healing but also to our pain, to hold the pain with us. Because something we know to be true about human beings is that we heal in connection, and not in isolation.

What does inner child work look like?

Inner child work involves us identifying the behaviors that you engage in when old wounds come up, processing the emotions that come up for you in the here-and-now, and working through these emotions with empathy and understanding. Together, we explore your past experiences, understand their impact on your present, and nurture the parts of you that have been hurt. By doing this, we create a safe space where your inner child feels seen, heard, and valued. But most importantly, we nurture a relationship with your inner child so that your adult self can be the safe and comforting adult that you needed at times.

Through inner child work, we aim to integrate these parts of yourself, allowing you to move forward with a sense of wholeness and healing. This process can be transformative, providing you with the tools to handle emotional triggers more effectively and to build healthier relationships with yourself and others.

Remember, it’s never too late to heal and to give your inner child the love and care they deserve.