A Brief Description of Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Internal Family Systems approach, or IFS, holds that self-awareness is the basis for inner balance and harmony. IFS believes that people have a true Self, but also have many “parts” to who they are. Everybody has “parts”, and they are all good, valuable, and impart something onto us. As we go through life and encounter trauma, attachment injures and other experiences, parts can shift into extreme protective roles that help us adapt to our situation. But “parts” can start to hurt us if they keep performing extreme protective roles even once the original threat is gone.
For example…
Self-criticism, for example, is a part that is always vigilant, critical, humorless, and is often disliked by many of the other parts in our system. In IFS, we try to get people to a place where they are not afraid, dependent, or fighting their inner critic, but rather, they are curious about it. Through this curiosity, people can learn that their inner critic is trying to protect them from something like not being good enough. They might even start to feel some compassion towards their inner critic when they understand where it came from, what it is trying to do, and how hard it is working for them. Once our client knows what a certain part is protecting, we can actually get to the original wound and heal that.
The Self
Everybody has parts, and they are all innately good and valuable they just pick up extreme beliefs sand emotions sometimes. The goal of IFS then is not to get rid of parts but rather to help our client 1) identify their parts, 2) befriend them, and 3) start to relate from them through their “true Self”. Our true Self is a core resource we all have that contains 8 characteristics or the 8 C’s which are curiosity, calmness, clarity, connectedness, confidence, courage, creativity, and compassion.
We are trying to help our clients relate to their protective parts from a place of curiosity, compassion, and all of the other positive characteristics of the Self rather than from hatred for example. The act of relating to our parts from our true Self is called “unburdening” and it is the most important interventions in IFS. It is called “unburdening” because by showing our protective parts compassion and care, we allow them to “release” the burdens that they carry and transform back into their valuable selves.
IFS and Couples
In couple’s counseling, we recognize that the way we relate to our own parts plays out in the way that we relate to our partners. When we can relate to our protective parts from our true Self, we can start to relate to our partner in a compassionate and caring way as well. IFS is a mutual healing process for couples, in which both partners learn about their own parts and how their parts get in the way of their connection to each other. Thus, the goal is to help partners release their true Selves so that they can sustain Self-to-Self connection while they work on their relationship.
Further Resources
Richard Schwartz- “What is The Self?” video
Richard Schwartz & Esther Perel- Understand Your Inner Critic video
Richard Schwartz- IFS Explanation video
Book- No Bad Parts
References
Anderson, F., Sweezy, M., & Schwartz, R. (2017). Internal Family Systems Skills Training Manual: Trauma-Informed Treatment for Anxiety, Depression, PTSD & Substance Abuse. PESI Publishing & Media.
Couples Counseling: Session One. Schwartz, R. (Director). (2010). [Video/DVD] Psychotherapy.net. https://video.alexanderstreet.com/watch/couples-counseling-session-one.
Perel, E & Schwartz, R. (2018, October 30). Understanding our inner critic - Esther Perel & Dick Schwartz. YouTube. Retrieved February 16, 2023, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUKMNgJB_kw.
Schwartz, R. (2019, March 5). Dr. Richard Schwartz explains Internal Family Systems (IFS). YouTube. Retrieved February 16, 2023, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdZZ7sTX840&t=374s.
